Question. I’ve shared a number of lunches with a highly known author over the years and will do so again soon. I’ve never told her I had a book published and I’m not sure I will be traveling to her area again. My husband said I should give her a book as a gift so I have one in my luggage but I seriously feel like I shouldn’t do this. That she will think I’m trying to get her to help me in this field and that’s so not what it’s about. Am I being foolish because she’s so far up the food chain or is there a kernel of truth to my concern? What would you do? Jennifer France.
Answers. Jennifer asked this in the amazing marketingforromancewriters@yahoogroups.com chat group. Several of us answered. Here’s a sampling of those comments.
“Why don’t you do it anyway instead of being concerned with what she will think? It would be better to regret having done it than not having done it, especially if you trust your reason.”
“In this day and age, it’s hard to believe that people don’t expect something when they give out a book. However, there are a few dinosaurs around who remember what it was like to just get a book from someone and them not expecting a thing. If it were me, I’d give her the book and I have an ethical streak a mile long. Believe me.”
“It’s taken me years to get past my modesty about being a writer, or about my hope that someone somewhere might want to buy a copy. I’m so over that. This is immodest me. I’m a writer. I write books. Some people actually buy copies and read them. I want to sell more. Authors deserve to be up front that we write, that we’ve actually got something out there for people to read, and that we are willing to network with other authors. If we’re still hesitant about that, why on earth are we on this list? This is about networking and marketing, and valuing what we create!”
“If I were your friend, I might be offended if you didn’t tell me you’d written a book.”
“I say give her the book, and if you feel the need, tell her you don’t expect a review or anything in return; you just wanted to share something you love with a friend.”
“Jennifer, I think anyone, no matter who they are, is appreciative to know when they’ve inspired someone, especially in writing a book.”
“Give her the book. Be up front about it. You are an author. How many times have you heard people tell you they wanted to write a book? Well, you did. Be proud of that. Tell her you hemmed and hawed over whether to tell her because you didn’t want her to think you were asking for anything in return. It’s ok to admit you are in awe of her and that your respect for her has caused you to write as well. It’s the utmost compliment.”
“Never miss a chance to show your love.”
I added my voice too. “I’ve been at several levels of the food chain of publishing and I can tell you this. There is no food chain. There’s just all of us doing our best to make our work the best it can be and get it out to as many readers as we can. One of the most effective ways we do that is by helping one another. It makes me feel good to share my knowledge with others and maybe help them along their way.
“Most definitely give her the book. If she reaches out to give you the leg up we can all use in our careers just say Thank You. There’ll be a time you can pay back the favor. Probably not to her but to some other struggling author who needs the same leg up. That’s how it works when it works well. We lift each other. Sometimes we even carry each other.
“So please give her the opportunity to be her best self. And give yourself the opportunity to be your best self too by welcoming generosity into your career. That’s the other side of this equation. We must let others reach out to us. For many of us this is a hard lesson. It took being on my back with cancer – absolutely unable to do for myself – before I learned to let others do for me. I learned simply to say thank you and carry the gratitude and memory of that generosity in my heart where it still resides. I hope we can all do the same in our lives and careers.”
P.S. Jennifer gave her book to her friend and the result has been happy all around.
RR
A WRONG WAY HOME – Riverton Road Romantic Suspense Series Book 1 – the eBook – is FREE at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00T9RVGGC. It is also FREE at Barnes & Noble and iTunes and KOBO and other online platforms. A YEAR OF SUMMER SHADOWS – Riverton Road Romantic Suspense Series Book #2 – is available at those same platforms including http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ZBOTH5O. These are my 12th and 13th novels and many other writers helped me get here. Thank you so much. Alice Orr – www.aliceorrbooks.com.
It wasn’t easy to do. I have adored this woman for too many years to mention and her down-to-earthedness (is too a word!) just made our lunches so spectacular. But, talk about scared, this lunch was in her private home and it was busy with people – there was no time to give it to her in private …I waited to the last minute when I was leaving – it got so quiet and then, after she realized it was my book, she got excited. The questions came that I stuttered through, but I walked away thrilled that I hadn’t let this opportunity slide.
Without saying *anything*, SHE said there was no food chain and that she was an avid reader as much as a writer – just like me … stupid thing maybe, but to be compared to her …. yeah, I was on cloud 9.
There is not a doubt in my mind that I would not have given her the book if it hadn’t been for our marketing for romance writers group – the support was amazing and, knowing I had them to fall back on, truly encouraged me to do something wonderful.
Jennifer. I’m so pleased this situation turned out so well for you. I’m also pleased you shared it with the rest of us and allowed us to participate with our comments and support. What an example of how our online relationships really do work for us — big time and when we need them. Bravo to you Jennifer for inspiring all of that to happen. Blessings. Alice
Dear Jennifer. You have commented on my blog posts in the past. I invite you to explore my most recent series. It is titled “Oh No I’m a Caregiver – Dementia – Our Cautionary Story.” These posts are of special significance to me. Dementia appears to be a reality destined to assault all of our lives in one way or another eventually. I believe that the story I have to tell – through my initial post and others yet to come at https://www.aliceorrbooks.com – has valuable insights to offer. For this reason, I hope you will read it and pass it on to others so that they might benefit from what I am learning and from those insights.
For example… My husband Jonathan, who has recently been diagnosed with dementia, is actually quite fine at this early stage. He is engaged in lots of cognitively powerful activities. He writes original memoir pieces that are very good and says this is the result of sitting in on so many of my writing workshops over the past forty-five years. He now finds more joy in writing than the drawing and music that were his usual creative pursuits in the past. This is good because, as you know, portraying characters and composing scenes require a deep level of focus and detail concentration which is very beneficial for him. He also loves jigsaw puzzling – the 1500-piece variety. Again much concentration is required plus he has fond memory associations of doing puzzles with his mom when he was a boy. He also reads a lot – challenging books, as well as his favorite New York Times articles. He does regular physical exercise and has also begun gardening at our church which has a large planted space in sore need of attention. Medically, he is taking a basic drug that has disappeared his brain fog for the timebeing. We also have excellent medical professionals on our team and on our side.
Dementia is not like the tv commercials portray it to be. Their purpose is to ramp up fear and sell very expensive, very dangerous drugs. There is a long, gradual period before extreme changes begin, and the aggressiveness these ads emphasize can often be mitigated with simple mood medications that are harmless and affordable.
Meanwhile, there is a real-life story to be told here of real-life experience. I hope you will read and share it. Dementia is a reality for many of us and, unfortunately, promises to be a reality for many more. Truth is our best armor against being cast into despair by the prospect. I hope to add a little to that sustaining truth. Dementia is one of the many ways all of us will evolve from this life into whatever may lay beyond. Passing on is our universal destiny. Some of those passages involve discomfort and unpleasantness. We can perhaps be a bit better prepared if we understand realistically what to expect.
That is what our story – Jonathan’s and mine – is meant to do. Help others – in an honest and caring fashion – to be prepared. Love and Blessings. Alice
What an original post, Alice and all the caring writers who replied from the hip and the heart. Bravo!
Fills my unpubbed heart and soul to witness authentic community 🙂
I agree Victoria. The caring makes it happen and those of us who speak up facilitate that happening. This is – as you say – community at its best.