Tag Archives: Storytelling

Oh No I’m a Caregiver – Our Dementia Story Begins

Dementia Story, ,

Oh No I’m a Caregiver – Our Dementia Story Begins. I have long written and taught and talked about how others can discover the best stories they have to tell. Stories from the center of their beating hearts. Now I have such a story myself. This is a cautionary tale. I will tell it here.

I Cannot Recall the Moment of my First Inkling that Something Terrible was Happening. I know it was long before the day my husband Jonathan walked blithely out the door to what should have been a pivotal medical appointment. I also now know I should have questioned his insistence on going alone. I should have been more cautious. I should have gone with him.

 I had Felt the Terrible Thing Looming for as Long as a Year Before that Day. A quirk in the corner of my awareness. Something off. A ping of the antenna that usually urges me to pay attention to details. Unfortunately my entirely full attention would not become engaged until later – when the quirk in the corner turned into an alert and the alert status intensified toward bright red.

 I Cannot Tell You What Exactly to Look as the Onset of Dementia. A small signal. Then another. Then another. My signals emerged from the experience of fifty-plus years with my husband. Our life together had not been an easy passage. I have never broadcast that before. I have portrayed us – Jonathan and me and our marriage – as very easy indeed.

“Couple Number One.” Somebody declared us that once as we swept into some social event or other. Dolled up and delightful as was our habit in those days. Scripted to present precisely the intended image. An old friend recently told me this. “The two of you embody the kind of relationship that I would have liked to have.” Neither description actually applies.

The Intention of This Story is to be Authentic. What use is it to you otherwise? Our story is about a real dilemma confronting real human beings with real human problems. Most dementia stories reveal the details of the disease but not the details of the flawed lives the disease most often interrupts. Our lives and our story are as flawed as we are ourselves.

Back to My First inklings. Moments of confusion I brushed aside. Contemporary life can be confusing to anyone after all. Sometimes I find it difficult to discern what is up from what is down myself. Jonathan’s memory lapses caught my notice first. Their increasing occurrence set my alarm pinging too insistently to ignore. Oh No I’m a Caregiver – Our Dementia Story Begins

“Let’s Find Out about This.” I repeated that plea several times. The response was always the same. A sneer. A scoff. A burst of outrage. I backed off then. I had veered too close to Jonathan’s anxiety triggers before and was not about to risk the result again. Not yet anyway.

 I Have My Own Temper – Fierce and Angry – then Gone. Jonathan’s temper is different. Usually repressed. More rage than anger when let loose. Building from the floor of him in a rush to explosion force with shrapnel flying everywhere. Better not to be in that blast zone. Best not to trigger an explosion in the first place.

 But I Had to Do Something. His annual primary care physician checkup was pending. I made my plea more specific. “Talk about your memory problems. Get a referral to a neurologist.” Jon agreed. I should have remembered he does that when he wants to shut me up.

 I Wish I could Recall the Details of Jon’s Return from his Doctor Visit. Where I stood. The quality of light in our apartment that afternoon. A vivid image to record in my journal. A picture peg on which to hang the statement that signaled the first battle of the war to come. The battle I would have to wage.

“I Told Her My Wife Thinks I Forget Things.” Jonathan smirked as he said that to me. I imagined his cute smile as he said it to her. Jon can be a charmer when it suits his purpose. His young physician did not take me seriously. That closed the door to further testing at our conveniently local medical facility. And plunged me into a chasm of conflict with the medical system. Oh No I’m a Caregiver – Our Dementia Story Begins.

LESSONS LEARNED – FEEL FREE TO BENEFIT FROM THEM YOURSELF

Never Underestimate the Power of Denial – Nobody wants dementia. Not for yourself. Not for someone you love. It is a truth you do not wish to admit. Now or ever. Not to anyone. Do not tell yourself the warning signs are nothing to worry about.

Never Underestimate the Power of Self-Deception. You may truly be blind to dementia’s presence and believe your blindness to be light. Do not overlook the warning signs. Do not tell yourself they are something other than what they could actually be.

Never Underestimate the Absolutely Crucial Advantage of Early Detection. This is the real reason to see and recognize and admit the possibility of Dementia where you wish/hope/pray it is not. The quality of your future life depends on it. Do not lose the advantage of early diagnosis and treatment.

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You possess storytelling magic. Keep on writing whatever may occur. AliceOrr  https://www.aliceorrbooks.com

Alice Orr is a number of things. Teacher. Storyteller. Former Editor and Literary Agent. Author of 15 novels, 2 novellas, a memoir, and No More Rejections: 50 Secrets to Writing a Manuscript that Sells. She also blogs for writers and readers at https://www.aliceorrbooks.com.

Alice’s Memoir is titled Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness. At the beating heart of this moving story a woman fights her own disease disaster. All her life she has taken care of herself. Now she faces an adversary too formidable to battle alone. An inspiring read available HERE.

Praise for Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness: “I was lifted. I highly recommend this book as a can’t-put-down roadmap for anyone.” “Outstanding read. Very, very well written. Alice Orr is an amazing author.” “Honest, funny, and consoling.” “Ms. Orr is a fine, sensitive author and woman. I have read other books by her and am glad I haven’t missed this one.” “Couldn’t put it down.”

Ask Alice Your Crucial Storytelling Questions. What are you most eager to know about how to discover the strongest stories you have in you? Ask your questions in the Comments section at the end of this post. Alice will answer.

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It’s a Wonderful Writer’s Life

Writer Inspiration, ,

It’s a Wonderful Writer’s Life. The holiday season is filled with fullness. Days full of activities. To-Do lists full of responsibilities. Hearts full of feeling. Heads full of memories. And – for the storyteller in you – a house full of fabulous secondary characters. Whether they are in your actual residence or not, they are there. Eager to enrich your pages.

 Think of Yourself as the Hostess at a Party of Fiction Inspiration. These are your honored guests, ready to be honored further by your imagination. You are the creative force and they are the raw material for your creations. Each one is wrapped up bright and sparkly. Each one is a gift waiting to be opened by you and invited into the world of your story.

Think of Frank Kapra and It’s a Wonderful Life. He and his co-writers adapted an obscure short story into a classic. In Philip Van Doren Stern’s The Greatest Gift, the main character witnesses his world as it would be if he had never existed. Kapra and company changed his name from George Pratt to George Bailey, and the saga of a 75-year-old holiday hit began.

 Think of How They Populated George’s World. Henry Potter, the villain we love to hate.  Mary Bailey, the steadfast mate. Uncle Billy, the family screwup. Clarence, the angel second class. Who fails to smile when he appears on screen? Plus – Bert, Ernie, Violet, brother Harry, friend Sam. And Bedford falls – a town full of unforgettable secondary characters.

Each of Them is a Character Type. Each type is defined by a dominating character trait. Greed. Loyalty. Forgetfulness. Optimism. Each behaves according to the dictates of this personality definition. They do not step beyond its bounds. Their job is to maintain that predictability. Significantly, because of them, It’s a Wonderful Writer’s Life.

Recollect a Holiday Gathering from Your Personal Past or Present. A family fixture. An office party. A community event. Imagine yourself there and look around you. In your mind’s eye, tag each person with their dominant character trait. Feel free to take creative license with the portrayal. This is your Bedford Falls. Populate it with whomever you prefer.

Remember these are Secondaries – Not Your Hero. But each of them is connected to your hero and affects her life in some way that benefits your story. Find the villain first. There he is in a corner making somebody uncomfortable. Find your hero’s mate or best friend next. Smiling and taking care of things and people because that is what he or she does.

Continue this Exercise by Identifying One Character Type After Another. These folks fill the streets of your Bedford Falls. They surround your hero and move her story forward – or backward – as your storyline requires. They expand your fictional world and give it real life dimensions. They are the people of your plot and their roles are anything but secondary.

Without these Characters Your Story is a Hollow Shell. Your hero’s world is hollow also. These characters give your reader a sense of your hero’s community. They give your reader individuals to identify with, to root for or rally against. These characters make your work resonate on the page. They cause you to rejoice that It’s a Wonderful Writer’s Life.

Alice Orr Says – You Possess Storytelling Magic. Keep on Writing Whatever May Occur. https://www.aliceorrbooks.com.

Ask Alice Your Crucial Questions. What are you most eager to know – in your writing work and in your writer’s life? Ask your question in the Comments section at the end of this post.

 Alice Orr – Teacher. Storyteller. Former Literary Agent. Blogs for Writers. Author of 14 novels, 2 novellas and a memoir so far. Wrote No More Rejections: 50 Secrets to Writing a Manuscript that Sells as a gift to the writers’ community she loves.

Alice’s Holiday Novel – A Vacancy at the Inn – Riverton Road Romantic Suspense Series Book 3 – is available HERE. Celebrate the Season!

How to Put Your Writer Psyche on Your Side - www.aliceorrbooks.com

Praise for A Vacancy at the Inn. “Grabbed me right away and swept me up in the lives of Bethany and Luke.” “Undercurrents of suspense move the story along at an irresistible pace.” “The Miller family is rife with personality quirks, an authentic touch that demonstrates Alice Orr’s skill as a writer.” “I never want an Alice Orr book to end.”

 All of Alice’s Books are HERE.

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http://goodreads.com/aliceorr/
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Giving Thankfuls for Our Writer Lives

Writer Inspiration, , ,

Giving Thankfuls for Our Writer Lives. In our yellow house on Vashon Island the dining table was battered from years of grandkid use. The chairs had been rocked so many times Grandpa Jonathan had to bolt the legs to the frames. This was the precious place where we held hands at mealtime and practiced gratitude for our lives together. We called it Giving Thankfuls.

Our Storytelling Lives are Equally Blessed. The guests at our tables exist only in our heads but they rollick and roar and rock the chairs all the same. They give us hissy fits. But would you want to live without them for a day? We Give Thankfuls for our imaginary friends.

We Sit in Battered Bolted Chairs and Stare at the Wall. Real life plays out in front of us but we are otherwise engaged. Images peek from under the tableware. What ifs clatter louder than the cutlery. We savor the symphony of inspiration and Give Thankfuls for the scenes we see.

An Array of Plot Possibilities Fills our Formerly Empty Plates. We pick and choose. Mix and match. Consider and rethink. We alter the menu at will. Always in service of the purposes of the plot. Always hungry for what works best. We Give Thankfuls for the feast of creativity.

The Banquet Continues for Days Months Years. Our appetites are sometimes satisfied but often they are not. We may leap up from the table in exasperation. Nonetheless we eventually return and struggle again to get the ingredients exactly right. We Give Thankfuls for resilience.

At Last we Add these Luscious Words – The End. We pound the well-used table or collapse upon it. Though probably exhausted we are also filled with joy and chair-rocking energy. We laugh. We sob. However we express it we are Giving Thankfuls for Our Writer Lives.

Being Storytellers has Put Us in the Amazing Company of Other Storytellers. We honor that company for its generosity, its wit, its endless ingenuity. We find role models and helpmates there. Friends too, professional and personal. We Give Thankfuls for our writers’ community.

Being Storytellers has Put Us in the Amazing Company of Readers. The upfront readers who help us grow our work. The priceless readers who review that work after it has come of age. The readers we pray will become our fans. Who could possibly not Give Thankfuls for readers?

Each Morning Begins a New Day to Rejoice in Storytelling. What gave us this glorious gift? In my case it was Grandma. She told her stories aloud. I write mine down. Her spirit abides in me and mine in her. I shall Give Thankfuls forever for her believing in me from my start.

Today My Own Grandkids are No Longer Kids. We are all back on the east coast now. Grandparents and parents. In-laws and outlaws. Jonathan and I are still a twosome fifty years and counting. We have never stopped holding hands and Giving Thankfuls and hope we never will.

Meanwhile my Storytelling Life Continues. So does yours. We are filled with memories. We are calm or stormy at turns. We have not gone gentle into any night – good are otherwise. We are the characters we have written and become. We are Giving Thankfuls for Our Writer Lives.

Alice Orr says – You Possess Storytelling Magic. Keep on Writing Whatever May Occur. https://www.aliceorrbooks.com.

Ask Alice Your Crucial Questions. What are you most eager to know – in your writing work and in your writer’s life? Ask your question in the Comments section at the end of this post.

Alice Orr – Teacher. Storyteller. Former Literary Agent. Blogs for Writers. Author of 16 novels, 3 novellas and a memoir so far. Wrote No More Rejections: 50 Secrets to Writing a Manuscript that Sells as a gift to the writers’ community she loves.

Alice’s holiday novel, for which she Gives Thankfuls, is A Vacancy at the Inn – Riverton Road Romantic Suspense Series Book 3 – available HERE. Celebrate the Season!

How to Put Your Writer Psyche on Your Side - www.aliceorrbooks.com

Praise for A Vacancy at the Inn. “Grabbed me right away and swept me up in the lives of Bethany and Luke.” “Undercurrents of suspense move the story along at an irresistible pace.” “The Miller family is rife with personality quirks, an authentic touch that demonstrates Alice Orr’s skill as a writer.” “I never want an Alice Orr book to end.”

All of Alice’s Books are HERE.

http://facebook.com/aliceorrwriter/
http://twitter.com/AliceOrrBooks/
http://goodreads.com/aliceorr/
http://pinterest.com/aliceorrwriter/