Tag Archives: Motivation

Oh No I’m a Caregiver – Our Dementia Story Begins

Dementia Story, ,

Oh No I’m a Caregiver – Our Dementia Story Begins. I have long written and taught and talked about how others can discover the best stories they have to tell. Stories from the center of their beating hearts. Now I have such a story myself. This is a cautionary tale. I will tell it here.

I Cannot Recall the Moment of my First Inkling that Something Terrible was Happening. I know it was long before the day my husband Jonathan walked blithely out the door to what should have been a pivotal medical appointment. I also now know I should have questioned his insistence on going alone. I should have been more cautious. I should have gone with him.

 I had Felt the Terrible Thing Looming for as Long as a Year Before that Day. A quirk in the corner of my awareness. Something off. A ping of the antenna that usually urges me to pay attention to details. Unfortunately my entirely full attention would not become engaged until later – when the quirk in the corner turned into an alert and the alert status intensified toward bright red.

 I Cannot Tell You What Exactly to Look as the Onset of Dementia. A small signal. Then another. Then another. My signals emerged from the experience of fifty-plus years with my husband. Our life together had not been an easy passage. I have never broadcast that before. I have portrayed us – Jonathan and me and our marriage – as very easy indeed.

“Couple Number One.” Somebody declared us that once as we swept into some social event or other. Dolled up and delightful as was our habit in those days. Scripted to present precisely the intended image. An old friend recently told me this. “The two of you embody the kind of relationship that I would have liked to have.” Neither description actually applies.

The Intention of This Story is to be Authentic. What use is it to you otherwise? Our story is about a real dilemma confronting real human beings with real human problems. Most dementia stories reveal the details of the disease but not the details of the flawed lives the disease most often interrupts. Our lives and our story are as flawed as we are ourselves.

Back to My First inklings. Moments of confusion I brushed aside. Contemporary life can be confusing to anyone after all. Sometimes I find it difficult to discern what is up from what is down myself. Jonathan’s memory lapses caught my notice first. Their increasing occurrence set my alarm pinging too insistently to ignore. Oh No I’m a Caregiver – Our Dementia Story Begins

“Let’s Find Out about This.” I repeated that plea several times. The response was always the same. A sneer. A scoff. A burst of outrage. I backed off then. I had veered too close to Jonathan’s anxiety triggers before and was not about to risk the result again. Not yet anyway.

 I Have My Own Temper – Fierce and Angry – then Gone. Jonathan’s temper is different. Usually repressed. More rage than anger when let loose. Building from the floor of him in a rush to explosion force with shrapnel flying everywhere. Better not to be in that blast zone. Best not to trigger an explosion in the first place.

 But I Had to Do Something. His annual primary care physician checkup was pending. I made my plea more specific. “Talk about your memory problems. Get a referral to a neurologist.” Jon agreed. I should have remembered he does that when he wants to shut me up.

 I Wish I could Recall the Details of Jon’s Return from his Doctor Visit. Where I stood. The quality of light in our apartment that afternoon. A vivid image to record in my journal. A picture peg on which to hang the statement that signaled the first battle of the war to come. The battle I would have to wage.

“I Told Her My Wife Thinks I Forget Things.” Jonathan smirked as he said that to me. I imagined his cute smile as he said it to her. Jon can be a charmer when it suits his purpose. His young physician did not take me seriously. That closed the door to further testing at our conveniently local medical facility. And plunged me into a chasm of conflict with the medical system. Oh No I’m a Caregiver – Our Dementia Story Begins.

LESSONS LEARNED – FEEL FREE TO BENEFIT FROM THEM YOURSELF

Never Underestimate the Power of Denial – Nobody wants dementia. Not for yourself. Not for someone you love. It is a truth you do not wish to admit. Now or ever. Not to anyone. Do not tell yourself the warning signs are nothing to worry about.

Never Underestimate the Power of Self-Deception. You may truly be blind to dementia’s presence and believe your blindness to be light. Do not overlook the warning signs. Do not tell yourself they are something other than what they could actually be.

Never Underestimate the Absolutely Crucial Advantage of Early Detection. This is the real reason to see and recognize and admit the possibility of Dementia where you wish/hope/pray it is not. The quality of your future life depends on it. Do not lose the advantage of early diagnosis and treatment.

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You possess storytelling magic. Keep on writing whatever may occur. AliceOrr  https://www.aliceorrbooks.com

Alice Orr is a number of things. Teacher. Storyteller. Former Editor and Literary Agent. Author of 15 novels, 2 novellas, a memoir, and No More Rejections: 50 Secrets to Writing a Manuscript that Sells. She also blogs for writers and readers at https://www.aliceorrbooks.com.

Alice’s Memoir is titled Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness. At the beating heart of this moving story a woman fights her own disease disaster. All her life she has taken care of herself. Now she faces an adversary too formidable to battle alone. An inspiring read available HERE.

Praise for Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness: “I was lifted. I highly recommend this book as a can’t-put-down roadmap for anyone.” “Outstanding read. Very, very well written. Alice Orr is an amazing author.” “Honest, funny, and consoling.” “Ms. Orr is a fine, sensitive author and woman. I have read other books by her and am glad I haven’t missed this one.” “Couldn’t put it down.”

All of Alice’s Books are available HERE .

Ask Alice Your Crucial Storytelling Questions. What are you most eager to know about how to discover the strongest stories you have in you? Ask your questions in the Comments section at the end of this post. Alice will answer.

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How Your Main Character Builds a Powerful Story

Storytelling, , ,

How Your Main Character Builds a Powerful Story. You want to write the best story you have in you. A story that has you on the edge of your seat while you write it and the reader on the edge of her seat when she reads it.

Character Motivation is Key. Motivation links your main character to your plot. What your character must do, and how intensely she is compelled to do that thing, will determine how gripping your story turns out to be. The character is driven by her motivation. Her actions create your story line. They are the fuse for the fireworks of your plot.

Your Character’s Drive to Act must be Powerful and Dramatic. Otherwise, your story will not be powerful and dramatic. Here’s how to find your way to storytelling power and drama. Take these five steps and you will be dancing the path to a page-turner story.

Step One. I have prepared a list of powerful character motivations. Motivations that can catapult your character and her story into the intensity stratosphere. Choose the motivation that will produce the most drama in your story’s situation by causing the most conflict for your character. Find that motivation list below.

Step Two. For a longer, more complex book, you might want your main character to have a secondary motivation as well. A slightly less driving force than her primary motivation, but compelling enough to create story lightning all the same. Which is How Your Main Character Builds a Powerful Story 

Step Three. Drape your author shoulders in your most grand and glorious imagination cape and brainstorm three possible examples of how exactly this primary motivation might  enter your character’s life with sufficient force to drive her passionately forward page after page. Choose the one that  conjures up maximum conflict and struggle for your character.

Step Four. Brainstorm three specific examples of how this motivation might come to life and be dramatized, as in acted out, in scenes starring your character. Scenes that will capture and command your reader’s attention with sharp dialogue and riveting action. Scenes potent enough to become  pivotal turning points in your story.

Step Five. Brainstorm the specific nature of the struggle, or more pointedly, the trouble that could befall your character in each of these pivotal scenes. Keep in mind that your goal as storyteller is to plunge your character into hot water, then turn the temperature up higher, higher, and higher still. That heat is what sets  pages turning rapidly for your reader.

The Mighty Seven Most Powerful Character Motivations.

#1 – Love – A powerful motivator that can drive a character to her best and worst behavior.

#2 – Self-Preservation – The threat of danger or death is another powerful motivator. Include the preservation others here. The impulse to save another person or persons from peril.

#3 – Self-Knowledge – Be careful about making this a primary motivation in commercial fiction. It can be a bit too subtle and inward for the popular marketplace to embrace with enthusiasm. Still, it may occur as a result of your character’s experiences in your story.

#4 – Pursuit of Adventure and Life Experience – Do not let this particular motivator make your protagonist behave recklessly unless we, as readers, can identify with and support that choice.

#5 – Honor or Duty – These motives can be difficult to make believable in many contemporary, realistic stories. But, if you are writing action-adventure or fantasy, feel free to go for it.

#6 – Greed – All motivations are not honorable or noble. This is one of those. For that reason, you might not want to choose it as fuel for your preferably admirable main character’s behavior.

#7 – Revenge – Another tricky choice. Powerful and believable for sure, but unattractive. Even a character intent upon avenging a wrongful death may be contemplating a heinous act of her own, and that is a touchy storytelling choice. Greed or Revenge work better as motivations for your villain, who must also be strongly driven.

Give your Hero Character Admirable Reasons for What she Does. A smart storytelling decision because, the nobler the motive, the more significant her struggle becomes. And, the more significant we believe your character’s struggle to be, the more we care about her and about your story. Which is How Your Main Character Builds a Powerful Story.

Alice Orr – https://www.aliceorrbooks.com.

ASK ALICE Your Crucial Questions. What are you most eager to know – in your writing work and in your writer’s life? Email aliceorrbooks@gmail.com. Or add a comment question to this post.

Alice has published 16 novels, 3 novellas and a memoir so far. She wrote her nonfiction book No More Rejections: 50 Secrets to Writing a Manuscript that Sells as a gift to the writers’ community. Her latest novel – A Time of Fear & Loving – Riverton Road Romantic Suspense Series Book 5 – is available HERE.

A Time of Fear & Loving

Praise for A Time of Fear & Loving: “Alice Orr is the queen of ramped-up stakes and page-turning suspense.” “Warning. Don’t read before bed. You won’t want to sleep.” “The tension in this novel is through the roof.” “I never want an Alice Orr book to end.” “The best one yet!”

Look for all of Alice’s books HERE.

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Tell Your Real Life Story

Memoir Writing, ,

Tell Your Real Life Story. There are many reasons to tell your story as you have lived it. All of those reasons are legitimate, as long as they are your reasons, and you are the center of your story. Which is definitely a story that deserves to be told.

You might want to make a gift to those close to you, especially your family. A gift portrait in words, and other materials too, created by you from the moments that make up your experience on this earth. Your story is a legacy after all, to be passed on to those you love.

Or, you might want a wider, less personal audience. An audience you reach by publication. I took that road once myself, with Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness. Should I ever choose to explore another aspect of my story, I might possibly try a different route.

What are the challenges of publication as a personal storytelling goal? They have to do with the difficulty of actually reaching that wider audience. I base this opinion on my several decades in the publishing business, as book editor, literary agent, and teacher.

What does commercial success as a personal storyteller generally require? Either you are already well known in the world. Or, you possess the potential to become well known because your story is sensational. Meaning it has shock value. The more shocking the better, if you wish to capture attention in a world already bombarded by shocking stories.

I don’t discount this reason for telling and marketing your story. If you happen to have risen to fame or infamy, grab your flash of spotlight while it lasts. Grab that glory with all your might, and hold on tight.

On the other hand, many of us might seek a more intimate center stage. The family and friends focus is one of those venues. But even this personal circle audience may not reach as deeply into your heart as you can travel when you Tell Your Real Life Story.

Some of us are determined to tell our stories, first of all, for ourselves. We seek to define ourselves, and to represent ourselves, on our own terms. You want to tell your life story as you perceive yourself to have lived that story.

We have all heard ourselves defined by others in various ways. From glowing to despicable. Reality generally lies somewhere between those poles. Plus, the reality that truly matters to your story is your own. What you perceive, believe, and struggle to tell about yourself, as long as you struggle for truth.

You aim to tell your real life story from the center of yourself. Not the versions of your story told by the voices of other people. Though the most insistent critical voice in our heads is often our own.

Your challenge is to excavate your story below its surface. To Tell Your Real Life Story as it really happened, beyond the derisive voices, including your own. To undertake a personal archaeology that will discover, uncover, and recover the story of your life that is most true for you.

This is an expedition worth undertaking. Unearth the story in which you are the main character, the hero of the drama you have personally experienced. Yours is a story definitely deserving to be told. Have no doubt of that. I, personally, can’t wait to hear you Tell Your Real Life Story.

Alice Orr – https://www.aliceorrbooks.com.

Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness is Alice’s moving memoir of her battle against life or death odds and the good people who helped her triumph. Find Lifted to the Light HERE.

What Readers Say: “Couldn’t put it down.” “Juicy and truthful, straight from the heart.” “Too good to miss.” “Beautifully written.” “Funny and consoling.” “Alice Orr is an amazing author.”

All of Alice’s books are available HERE.

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