Oh No I’m a Caregiver – Our Dementia Story Begins

June 12, 2024Dementia StoryCrucial Life Lessons, Motivation, StorytellingAlice Orr

Oh No I’m a Caregiver – Our Dementia Story Begins. I have long written and taught and talked about how others can discover the best stories they have to tell. Stories from the center of their beating hearts. Now I have such a story myself. This is a cautionary tale. I will tell it here.

I Cannot Recall the Moment of my First Inkling that Something Terrible was Happening. I know it was long before the day my husband Jonathan walked blithely out the door to what should have been a pivotal medical appointment. I also now know I should have questioned his insistence on going alone. I should have been more cautious. I should have gone with him.

I had Felt the Terrible Thing Looming for as Long as a Year Before that Day. A quirk in the corner of my awareness. Something off. A ping of the antenna that usually urges me to pay attention to details. Unfortunately my entirely full attention would not become engaged until later – when the quirk in the corner turned into an alert and the alert status intensified toward bright red.

I Cannot Tell You What Exactly to Look as the Onset of Dementia. A small signal. Then another. Then another. My signals emerged from the experience of fifty-plus years with my husband. Our life together had not been an easy passage. I have never broadcast that before. I have portrayed us – Jonathan and me and our marriage – as very easy indeed.

“Couple Number One.” Somebody declared us that once as we swept into some social event or other. Dolled up and delightful as was our habit in those days. Scripted to present precisely the intended image. An old friend recently told me this. “The two of you embody the kind of relationship that I would have liked to have.” Neither description actually applies.

The Intention of This Story is to be Authentic. What use is it to you otherwise? Our story is about a real dilemma confronting real human beings with real human problems. Most dementia stories reveal the details of the disease but not the details of the flawed lives the disease most often interrupts. Our lives and our story are as flawed as we are ourselves.

Back to My First inklings. Moments of confusion I brushed aside. Contemporary life can be confusing to anyone after all. Sometimes I find it difficult to discern what is up from what is down myself. Jonathan’s memory lapses caught my notice first. Their increasing occurrence set my alarm pinging too insistently to ignore. Oh No I’m a Caregiver – Our Dementia Story Begins

“Let’s Find Out about This.” I repeated that plea several times. The response was always the same. A sneer. A scoff. A burst of outrage. I backed off then. I had veered too close to Jonathan’s anxiety triggers before and was not about to risk the result again. Not yet anyway.

I Have My Own Temper – Fierce and Angry – then Gone. Jonathan’s temper is different. Usually repressed. More rage than anger when let loose. Building from the floor of him in a rush to explosion force with shrapnel flying everywhere. Better not to be in that blast zone. Best not to trigger an explosion in the first place.

But I Had to Do Something. His annual primary care physician checkup was pending. I made my plea more specific. “Talk about your memory problems. Get a referral to a neurologist.” Jon agreed. I should have remembered he does that when he wants to shut me up.

I Wish I could Recall the Details of Jon’s Return from his Doctor Visit. Where I stood. The quality of light in our apartment that afternoon. A vivid image to record in my journal. A picture peg on which to hang the statement that signaled the first battle of the war to come. The battle I would have to wage.

“I Told Her My Wife Thinks I Forget Things.” Jonathan smirked as he said that to me. I imagined his cute smile as he said it to her. Jon can be a charmer when it suits his purpose. His young physician did not take me seriously. That closed the door to further testing at our conveniently local medical facility. And plunged me into a chasm of conflict with the medical system. Oh No I’m a Caregiver – Our Dementia Story Begins.

LESSONS LEARNED – FEEL FREE TO BENEFIT FROM THEM YOURSELF

Never Underestimate the Power of Denial – Nobody wants dementia. Not for yourself. Not for someone you love. It is a truth you do not wish to admit. Now or ever. Not to anyone. Do not tell yourself the warning signs are nothing to worry about.

Never Underestimate the Power of Self-Deception. You may truly be blind to dementia’s presence and believe your blindness to be light. Do not overlook the warning signs. Do not tell yourself they are something other than what they could actually be.

Never Underestimate the Absolutely Crucial Advantage of Early Detection. This is the real reason to see and recognize and admit the possibility of Dementia where you wish/hope/pray it is not. The quality of your future life depends on it. Do not lose the advantage of early diagnosis and treatment.

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You possess storytelling magic. Keep on writing whatever may occur. AliceOrr https://www.aliceorrbooks.com

Alice Orr is a number of things. Teacher. Storyteller. Former Editor and Literary Agent. Author of 15 novels, 2 novellas, a memoir, and No More Rejections: 50 Secrets to Writing a Manuscript that Sells. She also blogs for writers and readers at https://www.aliceorrbooks.com.

Alice’s Memoir is titled Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness. At the beating heart of this moving story a woman fights her own disease disaster. All her life she has taken care of herself. Now she faces an adversary too formidable to battle alone. An inspiring read available HERE.

Praise for Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness: “I was lifted. I highly recommend this book as a can’t-put-down roadmap for anyone.” “Outstanding read. Very, very well written. Alice Orr is an amazing author.” “Honest, funny, and consoling.” “Ms. Orr is a fine, sensitive author and woman. I have read other books by her and am glad I haven’t missed this one.” “Couldn’t put it down.”

All of Alice’s Books are available HERE .

Ask Alice Your Crucial Storytelling Questions. What are you most eager to know about how to discover the strongest stories you have in you? Ask your questions in the Comments section at the end of this post. Alice will answer.

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http://twitter.com/AliceOrrBooks/
http://goodreads.com/aliceorr/
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Here’s Looking at Your Story Character

May 22, 2024StorytellingCreating Characters, Writing, Writing FictionAlice Orr

Here’s Looking at Your Story Character. Let’s Go to the Movies. I use films as storytelling examples more often than I use books. Because more of us have seen the same movies than have read the same books. Some movies have produced story character icons in our culture. Rick Blaine played by Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca is one of those icons.

Let’s Lay on Time Setting Drama from the Start. Casablanca came out in 1942. The world was immersed in the horrific drama of World War II. The film opening taps directly into that with a map of Europe and then Northern Africa running beneath the credits.

Let’s Lay on Place Setting Drama Too. Maps were very significant then. They played in theater news reels. They appeared in newspapers alongside stories of heart-stopping events. Battles. Troop movements. All in places that represented life and death to a 1942 audience.

Let’s Set the Stage for Your Dramatic Character. Rick has not yet so much as shown his face and we are already on the edge of our seats. A story’s opening has a lot of work to do. A hero character has a lot of weight to carry. How do you confront these challenges in your story?

Let’s Begin with Your Dramatic Opening. Picture your potential reader checking out the sample pages of your story online or scanning them in a bookstore aisle. You get one chance to make this first impression. You must not squander that chance. Here’s Looking at Your Story Character.

Let’s Plunge Your Hero into Trouble. Start with a situation where your hero feels as if their current world is being yanked out from under them. For Rick – Ilsa returns. She is the lover from the past who broke his heart. From this point on his life will never be the same again.

Let’s Make Your Hero Struggle. A struggle begins at your story’s opening. Something dramatic is already in progress. Casablanca uses Rick’s history for this. He must struggle against past hurt and present anger. Consider doing something like that in your story.

Let’s Create High Stakes for Your Hero. Something crucial is at stake for your character and for others too. Decisive action is desperately needed. Dire circumstances will result if your character fails to fulfill this desperate need. Rick must save a war hero from deathly peril.

Let’s Make Success a Long Shot for Your Hero. Obstacles to your characters purpose are already evident at the beginning of your story. Formidable obstacles. Powerful confrontations are inevitable. Rick is pitted against Nazis. Put your character in truly intense danger also.

Let’s Make Your Hero Decide to Act Anyway. Your character recognizes the danger and would prefer to avoid it. But somebody must do something. Nobody else steps up. Your hero makes a conscious decision to act. That decision sets your story in motion. Like Rick in Casablanca your hero must save the day – and they both will. Here’s Looking at Your Story Character.

AliceOrr. https://www.aliceorrbooks.com. Teacher. Storyteller. Former Editor and Literary Agent. Author of 15 novels, 2 novellas, a memoir, and No More Rejections: 50 Secrets to Writing a Manuscript that Sells. Blogging here for writers. “What A Character! How to Create Characters that Live and Breathe on the Page.”

Alice’s Memoir is titled Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness. At the beating heart of this moving story a woman struggles. All her life, she has taken care of herself. Now she faces an adversary too formidable to battle alone. Available HERE.

Praise for Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness: “I was lifted. I highly recommend this book as a can’t-put-down roadmap for anyone.” “Outstanding read. Very, very well written.” “Honest, funny, and consoling.” “Ms. Orr is a fine, sensitive author and woman. I have read other books by her and am glad didn’t miss this one.”

All of Alice’s Books are available HERE.

Ask Alice Your Crucial Questions. What are you most eager to know about how to discover the strongest story characters you have in you? Ask your questions in the Comments section at the end of this post. Alice will answer.

http://twitter.com/AliceOrrBooks/
http://goodreads.com/aliceorr/
http://pinterest.com/aliceorrwriter/

http://facebook.com/aliceorrwriter/

May Inspires Your Story Characters – and You

May 8, 2024StorytellingCreating Characters, Writing, Writing FictionAlice Orr

May Inspires Your Story Characters – and You. May represents rebirth. Fertility. Anticipation of something new. Here it comes. The start of something. A surge of excitement. Listen. Your writer’s heart is beating faster. May is Inspiration. Let’s get inspired!!!

All Things Seem Possible in May (Edwin Way Teale – Author). Let’s create some possibility. Take advantage of the spring weather. Go somewhere public. Pick a person – or a victim – from the crowd. What do they inspire for you as character material?

Spring is When Life is Alive in Everything (Christina Rosetti – Author). Life is alive in this person you have chosen to observe. Life is alive in your writer’s imagination. Let’s imagine. What are they doing here on this particular day at this particular time? As a storyteller you need conflict and complication. Something is upsetting them today? Why are they upset?

May is the Month of Expectation, the Month of Wishes (Emily Bronte – Author). Let’s explore that upset. Give your subject a name to make them more real to you. Call them Jo. Jo has a dream. Something very dear to them. What is that dream? Why is it so very dear?

May More than Any Other Month Wants Us to Feel Most Alive (Fennel Hudson – Author). This dream makes Jo feel wonderfully alive. Let’s make Jo the hero of your story. That means their dream is most likely something you can root for and want them to achieve. Jo’s dream makes you as storyteller wonderfully alive also – ready to soar.

Spring is the Time for Plans and Projects (Leo Tolstoy – Author). Let’s get intense. Jo hopes hard for this dream to happen. Jo desperately needs that or Jo’s life will go terribly wrong. You as storyteller must be a troublemaker. Plunge Jo’s dream into trouble. Make that trouble dire. Disrupt Jo’s plans. How will you do that? Let your wicked imagination fly.

Hope Sleeps in Our Bones Like a Bear Waiting for Spring to Rise and Walk (Marge Piercy – Author). Jo makes a hero’s choice to rise up and fight the trouble you have created. Jo is a bear rather than a bunny. Jo’s story ignites. Struggle erupts. Jo’s desperate need to succeed fuels the flames. Your storyteller’s appetite has a page-turner on its menu for May.

You Can Cut All the Flowers but You Cannot Keep Spring from Coming (Pablo Neruda – Author). Do you write popular fiction? Is your goal a story lots of readers will read and not be able to put down until they reach the end? If so – make that ending a triumph for Jo. By the skin of their teeth after a flat-out exhausting battle – but a triumph all the same.

May is a Month of Magic (Me). Hey. Is that you the storyteller still sitting on your observer’s park bench or wherever? Get on home and start writing. Jo and your imagination and the mighty month of May have given you a smashing story tell. I hope you took good notes. May Inspires Your Story Characters – and You.

You possess storytelling magic. Keep on writing whatever may occur.