Category Archives: Dementia Story

Ponder the Preciousness – Our Dementia Story

Dementia Story, , , ,

Ponder the Preciousness – Our Dementia Story. Once Upon a Time – on a day just past fifty-two years ago – I was too harried to be nervous. The next several hours were my wedding gift for my husband-to-be. My Jonathan. I had kept it all a secret. He had no idea what was planned.

A Hundred Details were Yet to be Addressed. I had made many lists as always. Thank heaven for that because soon our little house on Burnup Road in Black River, New York would be overrun by my women friends impatient to take charge .

Ours was a Homemade Wedding from the Start. This day would be everything my previous marriage that crashed and vanished had never been. No upscale impressive venue. No silver embossed matchbooks. Only the golden-hearted efforts of our precious personal community.

The Cake was Baked by a Relative’s Roommate. The turkey and ham were from the ovens of our mothers in law. Hors d’oeuvres and salads were concocted in our own kitchen that very day by a sisterhood of strong women wielding vegetable peelers and powerful opinions.

The Sisterhood Forced Me Out Eventually. I had found my nervousness and was causing too much fuss. Off I went with a bridesmaid to be gowned in hippie homespun still waiting for a hem and soft slippers to keep my clumsy self from stumbling down the aisle.

I Cannot Remember Getting to the Church. Jonathan and I walked to the altar together. Nobody owned me so I did not need to be given away. Neither did he. I can remember every step we took. To this very day – I Ponder the Preciousness – Our Dementia Story.

I Designed the Ceremony to Reflect Our Love. Still, what happened that day astonished even me. Thanks to the passion of the players. A profound reading from a beloved friend. A soulful song composed and performed by my brother. An inspired blessing by a former priest in flowing robes. Jonathan reveled in everything as I had hoped he would.

Also Surprises I had not Planned. My son created beautiful baskets of wildflowers and roses for my bridesmaids. A vintage Cadillac at the church door whisked us away to our Burnup Road reception. Coworkers had filled our bathtub with ice and champagne bottles.

All Day Long Memories were Born. Moments that caught in our hearts. Moments to split your seams with laughter. Moments bathed by tears. Moments as sunlit as the yellow rose bouquet I never tossed to anyone because I could not bear to let it go.

We have Lived a Half-Century of Memories Since Then. Adventures. Struggles. Triumphs. Disappointments. Joy. Astonishment. Regret. Celebration. Tragedy too because our Once Upon a Time has been reality not fairy tale. Now we Ponder the Preciousness – Our Dementia Story.

LESSON LEARNED – Perpetually ponder every preciousness.

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You possess storytelling magic. Keep on writing whatever may occur. AliceOrr https://www.aliceorrbooks.com

Alice Orr is a number of things. Teacher. Storyteller. Former Editor and Literary Agent. Author of 15 novels, 2 novellas, a memoir, and No More Rejections: 50 Secrets to Writing a Manuscript that Sells. She also blogs for writers and readers at https://www.aliceorrbooks.com.

Alice’s Memoir is titled Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness. At the beating heart of this moving story a woman fights her own disease disaster. All her life she has taken care of herself. Now she faces an adversary too formidable to battle alone. An inspiring read available HERE.

Praise for Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness: “I was lifted. I highly recommend this book as a can’t-put-down roadmap for anyone.” “Outstanding read. Very, very well written. Alice Orr is an amazing author.” “Honest, funny, and consoling.” “Ms. Orr is a fine, sensitive author and woman. I have read other books by her and am glad I haven’t missed this one.” “Couldn’t put it down.”

All of Alice’s Books are available HERE .

Ask Alice Your Crucial Questions. What are you most eager to know? About Alice and Jonathan’s experience? About telling your own stories? Ask your questions in the Comments section at the end of this post. Or email Alice at aliceorrbooks@gmail.com. She would love to hear from you.

http://facebook.com/aliceorrwriter/
http://twitter.com/AliceOrrBooks/
http://goodreads.com/aliceorr/
http://pinterest.com/aliceorrwriter/

Forget About the Eggshells – Our Dementia Story

Dementia Story, , ,

Forget About the Eggshells – Our Dementia Story. In two weeks, my husband Jonathan and I will have been married fifty-two years. Which does not count our half-year courtship before the wedding happened. We met in March and spent the next few months in tentative mode, circling one another from afar. Our dance among the eggshells had begun.

The Tempo was Twitchy-Jittery-Nervous at First. I detected signals of interest from his side of the dance floor and expected an approach at any moment. But Jonathan was shy. Twitchy-jittery-nervous continued long after the band had packed up and gone home. Until my patience wore characteristically thin and I made the first move.

We have Traversed the Dance Catalog Ever Since. Begun and middled and continued with the Back and Forth Two-Step. Leading weight on his foot. Then leading weight on mine. Choreography and competition. Often at the expense of the eggshells scattered beneath our feet. The same way eggshells are scattered beneath every couple I have ever known.

Which Brings Me to the Six Arguments. I have a theory that every long-term relationship features six signature arguments. Three serious and better suited to the boxing ring than the dance floor. Three frivolous but still worthy of a turn among the eggshells.

Specifics Vary from Couple to Couple. Sometimes we strut. Other times we glide in and out of reach. Occasionally we face off like the Cock-A-Doodle-Doos in the picture above. Always engaged between ballet and brawl in a configuration all our own. We will confine serious contention to private dances for now. The three frivolous fights Jonathan and I favor step out as follows.

Full-Moon Minuet. Whatever geography we may currently inhabit, our heckle over the heavens remains the same. He says, “The moon is full tonight.” I look up and respond, “Not quite,” pointing out a flatness at the lower edge. We carry on in that vein, month after month, year after year, even when the sky is mostly overcast. And both of us are relatively right.

Tune-the-TV Tango. The notes of this number shift with every technological advance. Our present debate quick steps each evening. To binge or not to binge? Jonathan’s occasional short-term memory glitch makes complicated narratives a challenge. We make a joke of it and muddle through. Forget About the Eggshells – Our Dementia Story

Time-versus-Distance Drag. Which is a drag because, frivolous or not, this disagreement can take on heat. Something sort of significant is at stake. In New York City, subway options are the issue. Uptown or downtown or crosstown? We each have pet preferences for getting wherever whenever. Out of town, thank heaven for GPS or murderous mayhem might ensue.

We could Easily Settle our Signature Silliness. Check calendar phases of the moon. Google binge and non-binge options before screening. Clock travel times from one subway stop to the next. Phone-map rural routes in advance. We could make smoothness of communication our first priority, as is relentlessly advised for all relationships. Especially relationships like Jonathan’s and mine where eggshells abound because dementia is in the mix.

Simple as That – Decades of Atonal Music would Fall Silent. We’d leave the dance floor. Eggshells everywhere would be safe from our tromping toes. But what would we do then? Simper across a table-width of trumped-up tranquility? Would our rooster reds still reflect a fierce feisty sun – setting though that sun may be? We think not. Forget About the Eggshells – Our Dementia Story.

LESSON LEARNED – HERE COMES THE SUN. Doo doo doo doo. HERE COMES THE STORM. Doo doo doo doo.  IT’S ALL RIGHT.

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You possess storytelling magic. Keep on writing whatever may occur. AliceOrr  https://www.aliceorrbooks.com

Alice Orr is a number of things. Teacher. Storyteller. Former Editor and Literary Agent. Author of 15 novels, 2 novellas, a memoir, and No More Rejections: 50 Secrets to Writing a Manuscript that Sells. She also blogs for writers and readers at https://www.aliceorrbooks.com.

Alice’s Latest Novel – A Time of Fear and Loving – is Amanda and Mike’s second dance through eggshells. Every step takes them deeper into danger. Don’t miss the suspense. Don’t deny yourself the romance. Available HERE.

A Time of Fear & Loving

Praise for A Time of Fear & Loving. “I never want an Alice Orr book to end.” “Alice Orr is the queen of ramped-up stakes and page-turning suspense.” “Warning. Don’t read before bed. You won’t want to sleep.” “The tension in this novel is through the roof.”
“A budding romance that sizzles in the background until it ignites with passion.”
“The best one yet, Alice!”

All of Alice’s Books are available HERE .

Ask Alice Your Crucial Questions. What are you most eager to know? About Alice and Jonathan’s experience? About telling your own stories? Ask your questions in the Comments section at the end of this post. Or email Alice at aliceorrbooks@gmail.com. She would love to hear from you.

http://facebook.com/aliceorrwriter/
http://twitter.com/AliceOrrBooks/
http://goodreads.com/aliceorr/
http://pinterest.com/aliceorrwriter/

 

No Secrets Please – Our Dementia Story

Dementia Story, , , , ,

No Secrets Please – Our Dementia Story. My mother was mentally ill. Her dis-ease displayed itself in many ways. Rage and violence at one end of her emotional spectrum. Fear and brooding at the other. Everyone could see her tortured extremes. No one said a word about them.

I Remember our Family Doctor Visiting my Father. Doctor Benny was a man who could be harsh in his pronouncements, but that day he was a gentle mentor. He told my father that my mother needed help and what kind of help that should be. My father flew into one of his own rages and sent Doctor Benny away.

The Family Secret was Saved but My Mother was not. She remained imprisoned in the fearful darkness of her affliction. She remained shut away from possible relief as surely as if she were locked up in a backroom and the key had been thrown away. We remained imprisoned with her – all afflicted by secrets and silence – all denying the truth in front of our eyes..

Openness would have Released Us from Our Prison. Openness would have allowed light into our mutually occupied backroom. Instead, we suffered in the dark, our mouths sealed by shame, our hearts clutched by fear. Secrets held us captive – my mother most mercilessly of all. What a gift it would have been if someone had spoken the truth.

Jonathan and I have Chosen an Open Road. We make no secret of his dementia. Our families know. Our friends know. We know. You know. There are no secrets here. No locked rooms. No silence. No shame or embarrassment or even sheepishness. We have freed ourselves from all of that. Jonathan most fully of all. No Secrets Please – Our Dementia Story.

Not Everyone is Comfortable with Our Openness. When the subject of dementia arises, some people quickly change the subject. They are discomforted. Sometimes they fawn over Jonathan as if he were a wounded bird. Sometimes they turn away. Sometimes they disappear altogether.

Those who Turn Away are Themselves Afflicted. They are afflicted by fear. They are afflicted by the images broadcast on television. Images designed to create a panic and sell outrageously expensive pharmaceuticals. Those who turn away are more comfortable with the secret. We are more comfortable in the light.

I Remember that My Mother Almost Never Smiled. I never saw the smile in the above photo in real life – not that I can recall. I think about how alone and lonely the mother I did see must have been. I remember how alone and lonely we all were. We were isolated in the darkness – the dark backroom closet of our silence and our shame.

The Only Antidote for Darkness is the Light. In light we experience the dawn. In light a smile breaks through our fears. In light shines the love that frees us all. In the light my mother might have embraced the dawn – regained her smile – been at least a bit more free. No Secrets Please – Our Dementia Story.

LESSON LEARNED – LET THERE BE LIGHT.

You possess storytelling magic. Keep on writing whatever may occur. AliceOrr  https://www.aliceorrbooks.com

Alice Orr is a number of things. Teacher. Storyteller. Former Editor and Literary Agent. Author of 15 novels, 2 novellas, a memoir, and No More Rejections: 50 Secrets to Writing a Manuscript that Sells. She also blogs for writers and readers at https://www.aliceorrbooks.com.

Alice’s Memoir is titled Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness. At the beating heart of this moving story a woman fights her own disease disaster. All her life she has taken care of herself. Now she faces an adversary too formidable to battle alone. An inspiring read available HERE.

Praise for Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness: “I was lifted. I highly recommend this book as a can’t-put-down roadmap for anyone.” “Outstanding read. Very, very well written. Alice Orr is an amazing author.” “Honest, funny, and consoling.” “Ms. Orr is a fine, sensitive author and woman. I have read other books by her and am glad I haven’t missed this one.” “Couldn’t put it down.”

All of Alice’s Books are available HERE .

Ask Alice Your Crucial Questions. What are you most eager to know? About Alice and Jonathan’s experience? About telling your own stories? Ask your questions in the Comments section at the end of this post. Or email Alice at aliceorrbooks@gmail.com. She would love to hear from you.

http://facebook.com/aliceorrwriter/
http://twitter.com/AliceOrrBooks/
http://goodreads.com/aliceorr/
http://pinterest.com/aliceorrwriter/